Anxious and Nervous

  It has finally come to that time.. The day before tomorrow. I have been so anxious and nervous on what tomorrow's urology appointment for Jared will bring. Good news? Bad news? Is there going to be something we can do to fix this issue. What caused this to even happen in the first place? 

  All of these questions going around my head is making me dizzy.

   The only thing holding me back from getting pregnant is what is wrong with Jared's sperm. His Semen Analysis results just continue to get worse. The morphology now is 100% abnormal, 54.5% are non motile, 21.5% non progressive. 

What are we going to do?

   We are hoping to get some answers. What kind of answers we will get is what I'm afraid of. What if they say that there is nothing he can do to repair the damage that has been done? All I have wanted these past two years is to give my husband a child. It breaks my heart that I can not do the one thing a woman is made to do. I know he feels the same way though. It's hurting him to not be able to give me what I want as well. The only thing we ARE NOT doing is blaming each other. In the TTC world, placing blame on one another is the absolute worst thing you can do. 

   Jared and I have one of the strongest relationships that I have ever seen. Thankfully, it just happens to be the relationship I am apart of. If not being able to give each other a child is the worst thing in our relationship, then I'll take it. I already have the perfect man, the perfect marriage.. If having a child isn't in the cards for us then that's okay. I am already so blessed. 

..Anyway, enough rambling..

 Well Jared will be home soon... The sooner the better. That way we can shower and TRY to get some sleep. Please keep us in your prayers. I will update everyone once we find something out..

 Good night world

Love Always,

Anna